Dear Bee,
I may have slipped earlier, but I’ve never forgiven myself this quickly before. I’ve never been able to really tell myself, it’s okay without enduring that long, long cycle of self-loathing, guilt, anxiety, and deep remorse. Moving from those negative feelings into a positive state of acceptance and forgiveness usually takes days.
I never believed I was worth forgiveness. I thought forgiveness just fueled my disorder. I thought it meant tolerating the abuse I caused to myself.
^If I can be half as insightful and amazing as this woman was, I will be one extraordinary therapist. She is so moving.
Forgiving myself? Knowing I’m exactly where I need to be and actually believing it? Accepting that some days are hard? That we all fall down next time? That is how I KNOW I’m making progress…and this is a journey about progress, not perfection. Acceptance, not denial. Faith, not willpower. Love, not hate. Surrendering, not fighting. Peace, not war.
I am more than the remnants of my eating disorder. I am more than my mistakes.
Shine on.
